"God made you special and He loves you very much!"

The title of this drawing is brought to you by none other than an iconic television show called VeggieTales which I was introduced to at the age of three years old. If you haven’t seen the show (which I hope isn’t the case), a brief synopsis is that dancing, singing animated vegetables teach children biblical principles in a way that is very on the level for a young age group. At the end of almost every episode, Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber would remind their audience that God made them special and loves them very much. I kept this saying in the back of my mind, occasionally quoting it facetiously, but never allowing it to register in my heart.

From the time I was about six years old, a thought was implanted in my brain that I was an odd bird, not being able to fit in with many of my peers. I was quite a bit taller than all the girls (and boys) and there was no one in my class and very few in my school that looked similar to me being that I lived in a predominantly white area. I’d notice that some of the smaller white girls got dressed like dolls and received praise from my teachers that I never got and it was like an affirmation to myself that I was less desirable and out of place. As I got older, I became a tomboy and was always distracted with drawing which became something that I was known for. The more I grew in age, the more ‘macabre’ (as my art teacher called it) my drawings became and the more withdrawn I was, writing dark poetry and leaving the honor roll as a thing of the distant past.

People would often deem me mysterious, but truthfully I didn’t feel safe within myself or out in the world to express the unadulterated nature of my heart. Even if I wanted to, without Jesus, it’d be impossible under the crushing weight of my burdens. What I did convey was vitriol, grossly inappropriate humor on all levels, or not being able to speak due to fear of rejection. I was quite literally bordering on the line of selective mutism. The only people that I felt free to be myself around were members of my family and some of my friends. It was incredibly hard to get close to me and the few that did suffered greatly as I was double-minded and couldn’t fully decide to trust or to love anyone. I’d have semi-frequent panic attacks, self-harmed in a great manner of ways, and used drugs and alcohol to medicate what I was feeling but couldn’t openly express to anyone.

Fast forward to February 11th, 2024, the Lord took all of these great burdens from me. Since that day, I’ve been living 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” In the beginning of my walk, I thought that all of the muck and the mess from my former life had gone away for good, that I’d never have to deal with any of that stuff again, and the earth would be as Eden once was. SIIIIIIIIIIKE! Very quickly, I realized that Holy Spirit was giving me a grace period until things got REAL. The entirety being a story for another time, one thing I will focus on is this: the spirit of rejection.

Without having an understanding of who Jesus said I was (and quite frankly not being able to believe it), I was what the devil and his jokers said I was. The enemy identifies you by things that you have done and who he told you you were. Example: if the devil calls you ugly and stupid (even through other people), he will create scenarios in which this will be affirmed to you. Once you start getting accustomed to this reinforcement of a lie, it becomes a false identity. Believing you are nothing either produces a false sense of grandeur and delusion or an abysmally low self-image (usually both). Even into adulthood, even a slight blunder could send you into a frenzy and cut more deeply into a wound that was never able to heal. So many are walking around with a bleeding heart whether or not they realize it. I once heard a man say that the very thing that makes the devil a liar is that he doesn’t say what God is saying. Even when he quotes from scripture, it is heavily perverted to fit his narrative. The thing that can be so tricky with this is that some things the enemy says do sound like truth because they are based on our carnal understanding. He can convince you of anything if you are not rooted in who God says you are.

Maybe before in your life you were a thief and a liar. Perhaps you burned so many bridges in life that you’re not even sure where to start your apology tour. You might even have the scars to prove it. The enemy might remind you of this and you may feel defeated, but the Word of God says in Romans 8:1-2: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For in Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set you free from the law of sin and death.” The things that you’ve done in the past don’t make you who you are and just because a story starts out rough, doesn’t mean it has to end that way. Time and time again, we see Biblical examples of God using anyone and anything for His glory--that includes YOU!

Rejection is a divisive tool that the devil uses to make children of God not know who they are in Christ. It can cause us to act in ways that weren’t in God’s original design for us. Overcompensating, people-pleasing, being emotionally shut off, being overly emotional, being controlling, workaholism, living in la-la land, being depressed and angry, not being able to let go of the past, etc. are all byproducts of rejection. When we don’t know who we are, we conform to the ways of this world, trying to find where we fit in and succumbing to peer pressure and false identities. You can live your whole life as someone you're not fueled by the things that broke you. From the spirit of rejection spawns many other demonic doors that we end up walking into, seeking validation, love, and comfort in all the wrong places. Ultimately, this leads us down a wide path into darkness that some do not come back from.

Hard shift here, but stick with me—did you know that every single leaf is different? Think about what God is saying. Imagine just for a moment strolling through lush green woods or driving through the mountains during autumn. The vast array of different shades and shapes varies so greatly to create a beautiful and glorious visualization. Without said differences, the world would seem contrived and boring. Every. Single. LEAF…Is different. So goes us as the Body of Christ. Individual, unique parts make up a whole wonderful picture. David paints this beautifully for us in Psalm 139:14 writing: “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” David, a man after God’s own heart knew who he was to God. Each and every one of us is so precious in the sight of our Father whether or not we have fully come to that knowing. You are individually special to God.

Something else that stood out to me in regards to how God sees us, is Jesus meeting Peter for the first time in John 1:42. In the KJV, it says that Jesus: “beheld him,” and gave him the name Peter meaning “a stone”. Jesus didn’t just glance at Peter, He saw Peter for who He created him to be. Reading the gospels, Peter became one of my favorite disciples and it genuinely touches my heart that God allowed us to see what a mess of a man he was (respectfully). He was authentically Peter. What a passionate fool he was a great number of times, spazzing out and even cutting off some dude’s ear (and the Bible doesn’t mention that anyone else joined him or stopped him, so picture that scene). But Jesus, knowing all of this, named him something solid. What a beautiful illustration for us as followers of the Way, to be known so fully by God and to be loved.

My point in all of this is when God made us, He created us perfectly. He gave us all unique characteristics and personalities for a reason. In my adult life, I went to Build-A-Bear for the first time and got to craft my very own stuffed toy. You get to pick a model, the amount of stuffing, the heart, the clothes, the name. Each bear is crafted differently and carefully by its maker…Think about how God formed us before we came into the earth; so deliberately with His loving care. Luke 12:7 A reminds us of His intentionality: “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” The enemy, knowing the love of God for us and the fact that He has plans for us, makes quick work of trying to destroy any good thing God has done, even in the womb. But there is hope yet as Jesus paid the cost and gave us the key to freedom on all levels!

Today if you’re feeling like you’re too odd to fit in or that your past mistakes make you ineligible to be used by God, or whatever it is…think again. He has many amazing plans for you and the sooner you see it by faith, the sooner you can walk it out and do what the Lord called you to do on this earth! If you’re feeling led, here’s a prayer: “Lord God, thank you that You made me special and love me very much. Thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You that You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life and that You have wonderful plans to prosper and not to harm me. Please help me to shut down the lies of the enemy with the truth of Your word. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen!”